I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Houston, we have a squirter
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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