Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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