I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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