4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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