Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
