Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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