after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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