A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
