We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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