Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Randomize
