Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
