They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
