Sponge bath it is.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
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