I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
