should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
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