my vag is so smooth its legendary
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
