haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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