The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
