just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
