My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
As shirtless as possible
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
