Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
