Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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