i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
