Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
