he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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