he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
