I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
