Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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