I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
