i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
