I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
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