Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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