so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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