Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Randomize
