my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
