Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
