There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Found your dick twin last night
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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