Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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