Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize
