i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
