is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I'm having to shit out rocks
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
