doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
