What a fucking waste of an outfit
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
