is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
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