Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
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