he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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