Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
