Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
