Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
