I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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