watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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